New Age Jokes

 

"My guru told me that the way

to achieve true inner peace

is to finish what I start.

So far today, I have finished

two bags of chips and a chocolate cake!

I feel better already!"

 

*   *   *

 

Be Here Now.

(Be someplace else later.

Is that so complicated?)

 

*   *   *

 

Wherever you go, there you are.

(Your luggage is another matter,

of course.)

 

*   *   *

 

"Oh no!

What if this Spiritual Awakening stuff is all a hoax,

and all we're really doing

is making our lives more GOD-centered,

peaceful, happy, meaningful and contented?"

 

*   *   *

 

Meditator:  "Time to empty my mind.  Oh, that reminds me . . . "

 

*   *   *

 

So, I hear reincarnation is making a comeback.

 

*   *   *

 

Remember, you're unique!

(Just like everybody else!)

 

*   *   *

 

 I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last lifetime, either.

 

*   *   *

 

A Meditating Son

 

Two men meet on the street.

One asks the other: "Hi, how are you?"

"I'm fine, thanks," replies the other.

"And how's your son? Is he still unemployed?"

"Yes, he is. But thank goodness he is meditating now."

"Meditating? What's that?"

"I don't know", he sighs,

"But it's better than sitting around

and doing nothing."

 

*   *   *

 

Vegan Pun

 

 This woman came up to me today

and said she recognized me from the vegan club.

 I was confused, as I'd not seen herbivore.

(groan)

 

 *   *   *

 

 Changing Times

Scene: A New Age Vegetarian Café

 

Waitress: "Would you like milk with that?"

Cheerful New Age customer: "Oh my goodness! No one drinks cow's milk anymore!  Do you have any soy milk?"

One week later:

Waitress: "Would you like soy milk with that?"

Cheerful New age customer: "Oh my goodness, no one drinks soy milk anymore!  Do you have almond milk?

Waitress sniffs some cedar oil from a small vial to reduce stress.

One week later:

Waitress: "Would you like almond milk with that?"

Cheerful New age customer:  Oh my goodness, no one drinks almond milk anymore!  Do you have rice milk?

Waitress takes some valerian root tincture to reduce stress.

One week later:

Waitress: "Would you like rice milk with that?"

Cheerful New Age customer:  "Oh my goodness, no one drinks rice milk anymore!  Do You have cashew milk?"

Waitress takes some Ashwagandha root tincture to reduce stress.

One week later:

Waitress: "Would you like cashew milk with that?"

New Age customer:  "Oh my goodness, no one drinks cashew milk anymore!  Do You have hemp milk?"

Waitress pleasantly replies: "Yes, I am pleased to say that we now have hemp milk.  Would you like a glass?"

Cheerful New Age customer: "Is it organic?"

Waitress happily replies: "Yes it is."

Cheerful New Age customer: "Oh, I'm cleansing today. Is it Ayurvedic?"

Waitress passes out.

Sign in restaurant:

Please pray for our waitress Susie who is gradually recovering from a severe stress disorder.  She is delirious and keeps mumbling something about milk.  This is a very serious.  We are waving burning sage around her but, she doesn't seem to be responding.  Please place a crystal on your altar, light a candle for her, visualize her as perfectly healthy, and affirm her perfect clarity of mind. Thanks!

 

 *   *   *

 

One woman to another in a crystal shop:

"I just bought some really cool

eyeshadow for my Third Eye!"

 

 *   *   *

 

Holy Cowzorzz!

Did you hear about the dyslexic cow who attained Liberation?

It kept on repeating "OOOOMMM"!

 

 

 *   *   *

 

For more happy, sweet, innocent spiritual jokes

please check out the links below:

 

 *   *   *

 

(Back to the "Introduction to Spiritual Humor")

 

Christian Jokes

 

Buddhist Jokes

 

Human Resources Bulletin

 

A Child Explains GOD